Ryans decided to go off and 'have a think' this weekend.
That means hes driven off into the sunset and won't be back until Sunday after dark sometime
he hasn't been his normal self and i guess im sorta worried about him.
MsV is too.
Its times like this i feel guilty for the trying nights.
He says hes cool with it but its gotta be hard
The way we live isnt the way that most people do
It kinda rubs the feathers of society the wrong way
One woman, nearly 40, in possession of two twenty something males.
Her word is law.
She makes the decisions and assigns the work. 
We ask permission for anything outside of our chores.
Most people don't live this way.
The three of us all want it this way, but sometimes whats dictated isn't easy to do.
Its gotta be this issue of having a baby that hes having trouble with.
I'm trying not to say too much.. .. ..
Even if Ryan doesn't want to father a baby it doesnt mean that its easy on him to let another man do the honors with the woman he loves.
He says to me and MsV that he accepts the decision and i think he does in a way
but
i think hes trying to convince himself as much as he is us.
how would i feel if i was him?
Does he feel like i'm trying to take his place?
Does he feel left out?
Does he think we're going on without him?
i don't know what to do.. .. but it's not up to me is it?
i love ryan more than like a brother
prolly most people that know me know that
i sure as hell didn't expect to in the beginning i can promise you that
we couldn't stand each other.. ..
and sure we both take the piss outta each other even now
but its just for fun and in a lovin sorta way
i love him
and im worried about him
all i can do is let him know that i love him, respect him and want to serve him secondary to MsV
which is what i'm supposed to do anyway
the difference is that i want to
its not my place to say what we do
thats for Mistress
but i can tell him how much i love him
how much he means to me
and how i can't imagine my life without him in it
thats so sappy.. ..
like a new friend said on his blog
if you would have told me i'd feel like this a while back i woulda laughed in your face
all i know is now
and i  hope that ryan is okay

michael