Daddy Michael

heres another tv butler.. and this one even has an english accent.. .. this is a old show before my time but its a good butler example..
hey did ne of you guys know what a butler does?
its called butling
sounds weird but its true

for all you guys who dont know who Lurch is heres a little clip off youtube. its an episode thats real fittin for ryan with the piano stuff and the singin. heh heh heh. coupla things to look for when comparin ryan to lurch. first the musical skill.. .. second the way he reacts when the record guy wants to make him a star but the main thing is when the girls start goin crazy for him. watch the butler boys reaction. when he looks out the window thats ryan straight up! lol.. .. enjoy this. ive laughed until my sides hurt!

i guess i shouldnt have gone nuts on here
theres alot worse things than finding out you do have a dad
or a father.. .. or whatever he is
so far nothing to me
but who knows
i posted what i was feelin and i should have waited until i had calmed down
im ok for now
im healin up from my party for one
ryans still worried about me
but that doesnt stop him from playin tricks on me
i found out about dettol yesterday morning
here michael im just gonna put a little soap and water on your back
like ive been doin ever since you hurt yourself
and then sizzle
now i can hack it
all i did was shudder a little cause it surprised me
but boy oh boy did he make a big deal of that
you flinched!  he says to me
well duh
i was expectin water
water and dettol are NOT the same thing
so he keeps needlin me for fun and flashin that dumb fool grin of his
all i said to him was just you wait
and im not sorry for callin you lurch buddy
game back on
all bets off.. .. ..
with that beard and all im gonna change your name to eddie munster
go figure that out butler boy
lol
im feelin a wrestlin match comin on
and im feelin like a winner too
anyways.. .. ..
im not gonna do nething about the father thing
im not that damn curious
and i dont need it.. like adie said in his comment.. (oh and thanks adie!) some things are better left alone.
ive got a life to live and a heart to figure out
who needs more complications
oh and the new pic is me Adie
thats from the cruise we went on a few months back
ryan posted his so i thought id do mine
just to show im better lookin lol
oh god.. im a quillin failure
i suck at doing crafty crap
but MsV never gives up lol
She pulls out this big box of all colored paper strips and some little tool thing that looks like a hypodermic needle with a wooden handle and this board of circles and says im gonna make some cards
oh man.. .. ..
first i cant get the paper around the needle thingie
then after i do my circles are more like ovals with bends
i was at this for three hours
and i dont think im ne better at it than i was
why am i doin this?
cause She says to
i think puttin a kink in my tail gives Her a charge
mmm hmm
i cooked some food the other night
brit food - and it turned out decent
MsV said it was good
ryan didnt have my main meal cause hes a vegetable
i made steak and kidney pie
i love steak.. .. and kidney is ok i guess.. .. tastes like turkey giblets
i wouldnt eat it on its own.. .. blech!
im gonna go
sorry i was such a pissy pants last time
im ok
im over the shock.. .. 
i guess the people makin decisions had their reasons
im gonna leave it at that.

mm mm mm michael
(thats for you princess chauncey)

im not gonna go too into it
sayin it upsets me is a fuckin understatement.. .. ..
i got told a few nights ago
that my mom DID know who my dad was
but never told me
and told auntie not to tell me until i was in my mid twenties
i know now.. ..
auntie told me his name and some other details..
but i wish like fuck she hadnt
i feel numb
i feel angry
i feel like breakin things and breakin myself
i feel cheated
and then i dont feel anything all over again.. .. ..
get this.. .. ..
the guy knows NOTHING about me
he doesnt even know i exist
he never knew he got my mom pregnant..
she never told him!!!
somehow the fuckers family life was more important to everyone than my need for a dad
see.. .. .. as the bitch of a story goes.. ..
the guy that won the lucky sperm lottery was a married guy
so im not happy with all this bullshit
for the first time in my life im REAL PISSED OFF at my mom
i mean.. .. .. WHAT THE FUCK?
what about the little boy that needed a father huh????
what about the kid who noticed that everyone else seemed to have a dad at the games to cheer em on?
what about the little boy who needed a good male role model huh????
what about ME for fuck sake?
i wish like hell i could go back and not know a damn thing
it was a hell of alot easier when he was nameless and no one
i wanna turn back the clock and not be told nething
ive done what i can to let out my feelins
but of course that shocks the shit outta ryan
he doesnt get the need to bleed
he doesnt understand that pain is therapeutic
hes in the dark and thinks im going mental
a god damn lunatic.. .. thats what he thinks i am now..
so what do i do?
jackshit.. .. .. thats what
i dont wanna know him
i dont care if hes dead or alive or fuckin stray animals on a dare
ryan says its not his fault cause he didnt know
i dont fuckin care
im mad at my mom
my mom whos been dead for nearly 19 years
but ffs mom.. .. that little five year old boy you left behind sure as fuck coulda used a daddy
didnt you even think about that for five god damn seconds?
what in hell was the point in tellin me now when im a grown man?
thats like throwin a life preserver in 2007 to one of the people lost on the Titanic
ive gotten by thanks to auntie.. .. and im not sayin i dont love her and appreciate her
she did the best she could with me.. .. all by herself
but why in hell didnt anyone care enough?
did they think the bastard wouldnt have anythin to do with me?
hell if i know.. ..
a friend of mine told me to sit on this a while and give it a chance to settle in
actin on anything right now could be a bad move
found out that ryan and MsV even knew
when auntie was livin here she told em.. .. ..
aint that a crock of feces?
instead of the wife.. .. i guess its the son thats always the last to know
im so fuckin screwed in the head.. .. ..
i need a hug but im too angry to let anyone near me
ryan is driving me apeshit by worryin and lookin concerned
hes just hangin around and hoverin over me like he did MsV when She was preggers
somebody help me..
i feel like im drowning
nevermind.. dont..
im better off dead